Have you ever wondered what your child’s teacher really thinks about him or her – and about you? If they describe your little darling as “full of energy” and “super enthusiastic,” don’t take that as a compliment; it’s teacher-speak for annoying.
‘Loves to entertain’? They are the class clown. ‘Real character’? They can’t stand them. Kerry Parnell deciphers what teachers say and what they mean, in time for parents’ evening.
Other telltale signs that you are a failing parent include the teacher producing a timer at parents’ evenings, or if they bring a second teacher to the meeting.
What they say: ‘They are a force of nature’
What they mean: ‘They don’t stop arguing’
You might think that describing your child as ‘a force of nature’ means they will be the next Prime Minister. But what their teacher is really telling you is that they are super annoying. “We use a lot of euphemisms,” reveals a high school teacher. ‘If they don’t stop arguing, I would describe them as ‘a force of nature’.’
“The most annoying kids in my class are the ones who always shout, so at parents’ evenings I might say, “They like to get their opinions across,” or, “They like to make their voices heard,” another primary school teacher reveals.
The worst description of all? ‘A real character’. “That means they’re a bit s***,” one teacher admits.
What they say: ‘They are enthusiastic’
What they mean: ‘They won’t sit still’
If you’re sitting on a miniature chair at your primary school’s parents’ evening, only one thing should make you feel more uncomfortable: the words ‘very enthusiastic’ or ‘has a lot of energy’. This is classic teacher talk for a child who won’t sit still and is disrupting the class.
And when they tell you that your child has a “contagious sense of humor,” the teacher doesn’t laugh. “It means they are the class clown and won’t shut up,” says a high school teacher.
What they say: ‘It’s a committed family’
What they mean: ‘You are an overbearing tiger mother’
Don’t think that the teacher’s speaking stops with your child. One secondary school teacher revealed that when they write references to secondary schools, they include coded descriptions of the family – which the other school certainly understands.
‘When giving references for the child from an overbearing family, we write that it is ‘a very involved family’. If we like you, it’s ‘they’re a supportive family.’
How do you know if they like your child?
There are a few times when teachers don’t bother with doublespeak and that’s when they really enjoy teaching your child.
“The kids I really like, I tell them, ‘They have a first-class mind or a sharp intellect,’” says a teacher at one of the country’s top high schools. “When I tell parents that it’s fun to teach their child, it’s because they really are,” they say.
And if they don’t…
Do they have a particularly soft voice? Do they seem a little sappy when they talk to you about your child?
This baiting maneuver for teachers is confirmed by our whistleblowers. “I use a CBeebies presenter when I talk to or about children I don’t like,” admits a primary school teacher.
Also pay attention to what they don’t say. “If you never talk about kindness, it means they are unkind,” says a high school teacher.
And how to tell if they don’t like you
Do you want a teacher to like you? Don’t bother them too much.
“Every new school year at our primary school, we receive two to three complaints from parents after week one that their child has not become star of the week,” says a teacher. “After that, we usually do everything we can not to give it to their child.”
Other telltale signs that you are a failing parent include the teacher producing a timer at parents’ evening, or if they bring a second teacher to the meeting (it’s not for you, it’s for them).
‘The nicest parents are the ones who don’t contact you often. If they do complain, we take it seriously,” a teacher reveals.